Monday
Apr072008
Jamaica, Mushrooms, Ms. Brown, And Bernard. (UPDATED: NEW PHOTOS)
Attack of the Show has just wrapped two days prior to my Jamaica departure. I was reaching for my badge and car keys when word traveled through the stale studio air that mushrooms were legal on the island. Instantaneously, with fiendishly Pavlovian flair, my already outstretched arm craned toward a keyboard to the side of me seeking answers. My thumb, middle finger and pinky simultaneously lowered with the precision and poise of a jazz-handed ballerina into "Windows Log-In Position"; without looking, I mashed the required keys, logged in, and pleaded for the almighty Google to confirm the shroomy-rumor still swirling about my ear canal.
According to "Internet", if I dared to combine the thought of legal fungi and Rastafari, I was probably going to be locked in a cramped pet-porter kennel and poked with sticks of sugar cane for the rest of my miserable existence. Psilocybin was illegal, an outright island "no-no", and I simply had to resist any and all temptation to seek it out.
"Fine. Fair enough. You know what, it's probably for the better!" I thought. Hell, the last time I dabbled with anything remotely psychedelic I ended up proclaiming I was made of liquid, calling friends to ask if I was still in my apartment, and burning my hand while trying to figure out if candles really emit light or if they "are the mathematical inverse, and actually devour the darkness that truly surrounds us."
Side note: I'm an idiot.
Just so we're all on the same page.
Cue two days later, a Sun-sunny-Sunday in Jamaica, when I hear that not only are mushrooms legal on the island, but we're actually visiting a world-famous Mushroom Tea shop for our "420 Special"! My eyes rolled in their sockets like reels on a clunky mechanical slot-machine; triple shrooms, JACKPOT! Like a shamanistic Toucan-Sam, I spent the next day floating around, nose first; excitedly following our production van to a ramshackle shoebox-of-a-shack on the side of a bustling windy road.
The "World Famous Ms Brown's", read the faded, sun-scared paint on the pockmarked wood paneling.
When my feet touched the scorched earth outside the entrance, I leapt into the air several times. I tried to play it off as half leg-stretch and half energy triggering mechanism, but it was simply a childishly outward expression of the juvenile joy surging through my brain. Here I was, meters away, from legally procuring what I hoped would lead to a tale-and-a-half; precious memories of "that time I shroomed" the white sandy beaches of Jamaica.
Olivia paced softly rehearsing her lines for the Tea House package while our crew buzzed about, setting up lights and shooting signage.
I stepped inside.
And found nothing.
The place was four walls, three barstools and a mini-fridge with some Pepsi bottles that had their safety-seals cracked. The only points of interest inside the joint came in the form of a wall full of dull, poorly framed photos and a wooden bead-curtain (which actually provided minutes of entertainment).
After my initial disappointment, I was greeted by the shops proprietor Bernard, who wore the warm weathered face of a man who had been sampling his own product for well over thirty years. His cheeks buckled and bounced under the strain of his mile-wide grin, his pores slowly bled thick beads of sweat that he wiped occasionally with a white handkerchief, and the thick red-veins in his milky eyes branched and darted sharply in multiple directions like a bloodshot New York subway map. He giggled in-between breaths and offered "Ya Mon's" in the same way a sixteen year old valley girl infuses sentences with "like" and "uhm".
I guess like, you could say, I like, uhm... liked Bernard?
Yes, despite the surroundings, I trusted him immediately. He spoke openly and honestly about his little shroomy grow farm. He explained the different types of mushrooms sold on-site and their effects. He showed us how he actually brews the mushroom tea in an undoubtedly tetanus-infested steel pot, and described his daily dosage (two cups of "2X strength" every evening).
The shoot eventually wrapped and thanks to a tight schedule, there was only time to lend my designer-knockoff sunglasses to a curious local boy, teach him to "work it" and snap a quick photo. We had to get back to the hotel. I reluctantly waddled back to the shuttle, kicking rocks along the way. I felt like a child being dragged out of Disneyland by his parents. I wanted to ride Space Mountain damnit! At least give me a Churro or some Dipp'n Dots as a souvenir!
<Darth> "Nooooooooooo!" </Vader>
I cried out for one of our producers (a long-time buddy of mine) to, "take care of me". I assured him I'd pay him back at the hotel. He nodded and minutes later I restlessly waded into the salty waters behind our hotel to await his return.
I tossed a flowery mini-football with friends to pass the time. I watched the sun sink closer to the sea as the horizon began to extinguish its' fiery gaze. Then, from a distance, a dusk-lit-figure approached with a black plastic bag in hand and hailed me towards the shore. My producer buddy had returned from his trip and was Baywatch-trotting in slow motion toward the water's edge like a tank-topped lifeguard. Only his little orange life saving ring had miraculously morphed into two bottles of "Double Strength Tea" and a handful of "on the house" dried stems and caps.
I raced from the beach and stashed the goods into the beat-up mini-fridge in my room. Because I'm somewhat professional and refuse to party on school-nights (save for one or three admitted lapses in judgment throughout my six years on camera) I knew I would have to wait a minimum of three days before partaking in any mind altering madness.
That day finally arrived, and is an entirely different tale for another time. But assuming you're interested in the Cliff's Notes, they read something like this:
That smile, would last for hours.
According to "Internet", if I dared to combine the thought of legal fungi and Rastafari, I was probably going to be locked in a cramped pet-porter kennel and poked with sticks of sugar cane for the rest of my miserable existence. Psilocybin was illegal, an outright island "no-no", and I simply had to resist any and all temptation to seek it out.
"Fine. Fair enough. You know what, it's probably for the better!" I thought. Hell, the last time I dabbled with anything remotely psychedelic I ended up proclaiming I was made of liquid, calling friends to ask if I was still in my apartment, and burning my hand while trying to figure out if candles really emit light or if they "are the mathematical inverse, and actually devour the darkness that truly surrounds us."
Side note: I'm an idiot.
Just so we're all on the same page.
Cue two days later, a Sun-sunny-Sunday in Jamaica, when I hear that not only are mushrooms legal on the island, but we're actually visiting a world-famous Mushroom Tea shop for our "420 Special"! My eyes rolled in their sockets like reels on a clunky mechanical slot-machine; triple shrooms, JACKPOT! Like a shamanistic Toucan-Sam, I spent the next day floating around, nose first; excitedly following our production van to a ramshackle shoebox-of-a-shack on the side of a bustling windy road.
The "World Famous Ms Brown's", read the faded, sun-scared paint on the pockmarked wood paneling.
When my feet touched the scorched earth outside the entrance, I leapt into the air several times. I tried to play it off as half leg-stretch and half energy triggering mechanism, but it was simply a childishly outward expression of the juvenile joy surging through my brain. Here I was, meters away, from legally procuring what I hoped would lead to a tale-and-a-half; precious memories of "that time I shroomed" the white sandy beaches of Jamaica.
Olivia paced softly rehearsing her lines for the Tea House package while our crew buzzed about, setting up lights and shooting signage.
I stepped inside.
And found nothing.
The place was four walls, three barstools and a mini-fridge with some Pepsi bottles that had their safety-seals cracked. The only points of interest inside the joint came in the form of a wall full of dull, poorly framed photos and a wooden bead-curtain (which actually provided minutes of entertainment).
After my initial disappointment, I was greeted by the shops proprietor Bernard, who wore the warm weathered face of a man who had been sampling his own product for well over thirty years. His cheeks buckled and bounced under the strain of his mile-wide grin, his pores slowly bled thick beads of sweat that he wiped occasionally with a white handkerchief, and the thick red-veins in his milky eyes branched and darted sharply in multiple directions like a bloodshot New York subway map. He giggled in-between breaths and offered "Ya Mon's" in the same way a sixteen year old valley girl infuses sentences with "like" and "uhm".
I guess like, you could say, I like, uhm... liked Bernard?
Yes, despite the surroundings, I trusted him immediately. He spoke openly and honestly about his little shroomy grow farm. He explained the different types of mushrooms sold on-site and their effects. He showed us how he actually brews the mushroom tea in an undoubtedly tetanus-infested steel pot, and described his daily dosage (two cups of "2X strength" every evening).
The shoot eventually wrapped and thanks to a tight schedule, there was only time to lend my designer-knockoff sunglasses to a curious local boy, teach him to "work it" and snap a quick photo. We had to get back to the hotel. I reluctantly waddled back to the shuttle, kicking rocks along the way. I felt like a child being dragged out of Disneyland by his parents. I wanted to ride Space Mountain damnit! At least give me a Churro or some Dipp'n Dots as a souvenir!
<Darth> "Nooooooooooo!" </Vader>
I cried out for one of our producers (a long-time buddy of mine) to, "take care of me". I assured him I'd pay him back at the hotel. He nodded and minutes later I restlessly waded into the salty waters behind our hotel to await his return.
I tossed a flowery mini-football with friends to pass the time. I watched the sun sink closer to the sea as the horizon began to extinguish its' fiery gaze. Then, from a distance, a dusk-lit-figure approached with a black plastic bag in hand and hailed me towards the shore. My producer buddy had returned from his trip and was Baywatch-trotting in slow motion toward the water's edge like a tank-topped lifeguard. Only his little orange life saving ring had miraculously morphed into two bottles of "Double Strength Tea" and a handful of "on the house" dried stems and caps.
I raced from the beach and stashed the goods into the beat-up mini-fridge in my room. Because I'm somewhat professional and refuse to party on school-nights (save for one or three admitted lapses in judgment throughout my six years on camera) I knew I would have to wait a minimum of three days before partaking in any mind altering madness.
That day finally arrived, and is an entirely different tale for another time. But assuming you're interested in the Cliff's Notes, they read something like this:
About an hour had passed and I found myself relaxed, fully reclined upon a fluffy blue cotton beach towel; the golden tendrils of the mid-day sun pierced effortlessly through my skin, warming and massaging each individual cell in my energized body. I surveyed the sky, taking notice of the thick layers of black, parallax scrolling, brooding clouds rolling dutifully across the sky. I knew they signaled an impending and severe change in weather, yet I was firmly entrenched. Bonded molecule by molecule between a melting chaise lounge and the Earth itself. This was my experience. I giggled. Come hell or high water I was not moving. And come they did.
The sun battled valiantly, yet was quickly swallowed by the storm. The sky tore in half. Buckets of tropical golf-ball-sized rain poured from the heavens and sent beach dwellers scrambling madly for shelter. Palms buckled, violently slapping the rooftops under the pressure of gale force winds. Individual grains of sand blasted relentlessly into the side of my body and I felt an icy trickle of water penetrate the seal between headphone and ear.
I removed a pair of sunglasses from my bag, gave each ear bud a firm press into their respective canal, adjusted the volume accordingly, and smiled.
That smile, would last for hours.
04.07.08 -- 11:18 PM -- PHOTO UPDATE
Apr 7, 2008
Reader Comments (11)
as silly as this may sound, this blog insert just made me sure that im ready to go back to college. I want to learn how to articulate myself like you did in this, so thanks.
Nice, you should give us that trip report sometime.
You're a true american hero, what better way to find the simplistic molecular indespinsable joy and happiness of mushrooms than in Jamica. Hopefully, the minute vibration and shivers every sight proved capable of providing didn't freighten you the slightest. I award you in your abiltity to openly report of the desire to indulge in the psychadelic euphoria few find themselves proud enough to speak of. My "caps" off to you man.
well done kevin, makes me either want to try shrooms or go to jamaica, perhaps both and im sure my producer and dp would agree
Ha, that is awesome. Sounds fun...and it's something I've always wanted to to try. But damn, in Jamaica as well? How lucky are you... :(
But on a side note....WOW. That stew looks disgusting.
it was sad seeing you and O.Munn not indulging yourselves, but i totally see your point of view, IM JUST PROUD that you did get the chance! this is one of my fav posts youve done! i watched the week BEFORE the special RELIGIOUSLY! then the special came and it was SPECTACULAR, house to my self! booze HIGHLY STOCKED all i remember is laughing like nobodies business, and being extremely drunk!!! and being jealous that we couldnt trade places! its sad that you dont get to use your vocabulary on-air that its slightly dumbed down but GAWD DAMN its finally good to see someone INTELLIGENT! whens your book coming out or SOMETHING expressing it, maybe a really intelligent music cd!!!!!!!! YAH I LIKE THAT IDEA! make that shit happen!!!
Damn yes, Kevin Pereira! How very Gonzo journalism of you. Hope your experience was a big ass piece of awesome. Its epic for me as a fan, to see your creative process, in process. Nerd love.
I just wanted to comment on how everyone thinks you are such a great writer. It sounded like a middle school student trying really hard.
swiss replica watches
breitling chronomatic
burberry watches
bvlgari watches
hublot watches
breitling superocean
breitling chronomatic
breguet watches
burberry watchesbell&ross watches
jacob & co watches
Ah yes mon, takes me back to a simpler and better time. If you are ever at Dunn's River Falls in Ocho Rios be sure and hire one of the "special guides" there. It adds a bit more adventure to the climb. Good story.
I have buyed many products on line.Cool.I found some good sites,whose pruducts have gained popularity among socialites and celebrities.From these sites,several of my friends buyed products.The Website including?
louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton shoes
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags
cugg boots cheap
cheap ugg boots
discount uggs
uggs on sale
cheap ugg boots on sale
cheap uggs on sale
discount uggs on sale
ugg classic boots sale
cheap ugg boots for sale online
cheap ugg boots wholesale
cheap ugg classic boots on sale
UGG classic boots
cheap ugg classic boots
ugg discount boots
discount uggs boots
discounted ugg boots
cheap uggs boots
uggs for cheap
ugg tall boots
ugg short boots
ugg boots sale
ugg boots on sale
ugg boots on cheap
ugg discount
cheap ugg boots for women
cheap ugg boots online
cheap ugg boots for sale
cheap ugg boots for Kids
cheap ugg boots on sale
cheap ugg boots for sale online
cheap ugg boots wholesale
cheap ugg boots for girls
cheap ugg classic
cheap ugg classic tall boots
cheap ugg classic cardy boots
cheap ugg classic short boots
UGG Slippers
UGG Slippers for women
ugg slippers for women uk
cheap ugg slippers for women
UGG Slippers for men
ugg slippers for men on sale
UGG Slippers for men uk
UGG Slippers on sale
ugg slippers on sale for women
womens ugg slippers on sale
coquette ugg slippers on sale
UGG Slippers sale
mens ugg slippers sale
UGG Slippers cheap
ugg slippers discount
ugg slippers discounted
ugg slippers for kids
ugg slippers clearance
mens ugg slippers clearance
ugg slippers outlet
UGG Sandals
ugg sandals for women
ugg sandals on sale
ugg sandals men
ugg sandals for men
ugg sandals women
ugg sandals sale
ugg sandals halendi
ugg sandals amazon
ugg sandals clearance
UGG Sneakers
ugg sneakers for women
ugg sneakers women
ugg sneakers uk
ugg sneakers evera
mens ugg sneakers
UGG Classic Sheepskin Glove
ugg sheepskin gloves
fingerless sheepskin gloves
ugg shearling gloves
ugg igloo gloves
ugg fingerless gloves
ugg men's gloves
ugg australia gloves
ugg long gloves
ugg gloves sale
ugg gloves women
ugg gloves black
ugg gloves australia
ugg gloves uk
ugg gloves cheap
ugg gloves and mittens
mens ugg gloves
black ugg gloves
UGG Fringe Cardy Knit Boots
ugg cardy boots
ugg cardy boots reviews
ugg cardy boots sizing
ugg fringe cardy boots
ugg boots classic cardy
ugg cardy reviews
ugg cable knit boots
ugg classic argyle knit boots
cheap ugg knit boots
ugg knit boots with buttons
UGG Classic Kids Boots
ugg boots for kids
ugg boots for kids on sale
ugg boots for kids cheap
ugg boots for kids uk
ugg boots for kids canada
fake ugg boots for kids
discount ugg boots for kids
clearance ugg boots for kids
pink ugg boots for kids
replica ugg boots for kids
purple ugg boots for kids
ugg style boots for kids
ugg kids boots
ugg kids boots sale
ugg kids boots clearance
ugg kids boots on sale
ugg kensington kids boots
ugg kids cardy boots
ugg kids cardy
ugg kids cardy ii
ugg kids cardy pink multi
ugg kids classic tall
ugg kids classic tall marquis knit
ugg kids classic tall stripe cable knit
ugg kids lil sunshine
ugg kids size chart
ugg kensington kids
ugg kensington kids boots
ugg look alikes for kids
ugg knockoffs for kids
ugg shoes for kids
ugg boots on sale for kids
ugg style boots for kids
uggs for kids on sale
uggs for kids outlet
UGG Kenly Boots
ugg kenly grey
ugg kenly reviews
ugg kenly chocolate
ugg kenly espresso
womens ugg kenly boots
cheap ugg kenly
women's ugg kenly
UGG Adirondack Boots
UGG Adirondack Boots ii
UGG Adirondack Boots men's
UGG Adirondack Boots uk
UGG Adirondack Boots tall
ugg adirondack boots canada
ugg adirondack ii
ugg adirondack ii sale
ugg adirondack ii boots
ugg adirondack tall boots
ugg adirondack sale
UGG Adirondack Boots ii sale
UGG Adirondack Boots ii otter
ugg adirondack boot reviews
ugg adirondack boot otter
UGG brookfield tall Boots
ugg brookfield tall
UGG brookfield Boots
ugg brookfield short
ugg brookfield black
UGG Classic Argyle Boots
ugg argyle boots on sale
ugg argyle boots sale
ugg argyle knit boots
ugg argyle knit
ugg argyle Boots
ugg argyle Boots on sale
ugg argyle Boots sale
ugg argyle UK
ugg argyle review
ugg argyle knit uk
UGG Classic Bailey Button Boots
UGG Bailey Button Boots
bailey button triplet uggs
bailey button uggs
bailey button ugg boots on sale
UGG Bailey Button Boots on sale
UGG Bailey Button Boots leopard
UGG Bailey Button Boots kids
UGG Bailey Button Boots sale
UGG Bailey Button Boots cheap
UGG Bailey Button Boots cheatnut
UGG Bailey Button Boots uk
UGG Bailey Button Boots 5803
UGG Bailey Button Boots reviews
UGG Bailey Button Boots black
ugg bailey button triplet
ugg bailey button on sale
ugg bailey button bomber
ugg bailey button triplet boot
ugg bailey button review
ugg bailey button triplet kids
ugg bailey button triplet sale
ugg bailey button toddle
bailey button uggs sale
UGG Classic Cardy Boots
UGG Classic Cardy sale
UGG Classic Cardy review
UGG Classic Cardy black
UGG Classic Cardy on sale
UGG Classic Cardy moss
UGG Classic Cardy oatmeal
UGG Classic Cardy greys
UGG Classic Cardy tall
UGG Classic Cardy fig
UGG Cardy fig
UGG Cardy boots
UGG Cardy sale
UGG Cardy boots on sale
UGG Cardy review
UGG Cardy kids
UGG Cardy boots sale
UGG Cardy ii
UGG Cardy sizing
UGG Classic Crochet Boots
ugg suburb crochet boots
UGG Crochet Boots
ugg crochet boots sale
ugg crochet collection
UGG Classic Mini Boots
UGG Mini Boots on sale
UGG Mini Boots uk
ugg mini mel
UGG Mini Classic
ugg mini black
classic ugg mini
ugg mini mel large
ugg mini mel pink
UGG Classic Short Boots
UGG Classic Short Boots on sale
UGG Classic Short Boots black 5825
UGG Classic Short Boots chestnut
UGG Classic Short Boots black
UGG Classic Short Boots gray
women's UGG Classic Short Boots
cheap UGG Classic Short Boots
UGG Short Boots on sale
UGG Short Boots sale
black UGG Short Boots
ugg short black boots
ugg australia classic short boots
classic short boots
UGG Classic Tall Boots
UGG Classic Tall Boots on sale
UGG Classic Tall Boots chestnut
UGG Classic Tall Boots black
UGG Classic Tall Boots gray
cheap UGG Classic Tall Boots
UGG Classic Tall wool
UGG Classic Tall sale
UGG Classic Tall cheatnut
ugg classic tall wool stripe
ugg classic tall black
ugg classic tall blackberry wine
ugg classic tall fancy women's
ugg classic tall fancy boot
ugg classic tall logo
ugg classic tall metallic
ugg classic tall metallic boot
UGG Classic Tall Romantic Flower
ugg classic tall romantic flower 5802
ugg romantic flower boot
ugg romantic flower boot on sale
UGG Classic Tall Stripe Cable Knit
UGG Tall Stripe Cable Knit
UGG Classic Stripe Cable Knit
UGG Classic Tall Stripe Cable Knit boots
UGG Stripe Cable Knit boots
UGG Elsey Boots
UGG Elsey Boots on sale
UGG Elsey wedge
UGG Elsey wedge boots
UGG Gissella Boots
UGG Gissella black
UGG Gissella review
UGG Gissella uk
UGG Gissella
UGG Highkoo Boots
Highkoo uggs
highkoo boot by ugg
Highkoo ii uggs
Highkoo ii
highkoo ruched boot ugg
UGG Infant Erin Boots
UGG Infant Erin
UGG Infant Boots
UGG Infant Boo
ugg infant booties
ugg infant snowsuit
ugg infant shoes
UGG Erin pink
UGG Erin blue
UGG Erin sale
UGG Erin baby
UGG jimmy choo
ugg jimmy choo siobhan
ugg jimmy choo uk
ugg jimmy choo price
ugg jimmy choo collaboration
nicky hilton ugg jimmy choo
UGG Knightsbridge Boots
UGG Knightsbridge Boots black
women's UGG Knightsbridge Boots
UGG Knightsbridge Boots uk
UGG Knightsbridge Boots sale
UGG Knightsbridge Boots 5119
ugg knightsbridge boots women's reviews
UGG Knightsbridge review
UGG Knightsbridge size 10
UGG Knightsbridge black size 7
UGG Knightsbridge 5119
UGG Knightsbridge black
UGG Knightsbridge grey
UGG Knightsbridge sale
ugg knightsbridge espresso
UGG Langley Boots
UGG Langley Boots on sale
ugg langley silt
UGG Metallic Boots
UGG Metallic cardy
UGG Metallic logo
UGG Metallic copper
UGG New Style Boots
UGG Nightfall Boots
genuine ugg nightfall boots
UGG Nightfall Boots sale
UGG Nightfall Boots chestnut
UGG Nightfall Boots uk
UGG Nightfall uk
UGG Nightfall black
UGG Nightfall 5339
UGG Nightfall review
UGG Sheepskin Cuff Boots
UGG Sheepskin Cuff Boot review
UGG Sheepskin Cuff Boot uk
UGG Sheepskin Cuff
UGG stella tall Boots
UGG Suburb Crochet Tall Boots
UGG Suburb Crochet Tall black
UGG Sunburst Boots
UGG Sunburst tall
UGG Sunburst tall black
UGG Sunburst uk
UGG Sunburst tall sale
UGG Sunburst cheap
UGG Sundance II black
UGG Sundance II chestnut
UGG Sundance 2
ugg sundance limited edition
UGG Tess Suede Boots
UGG Tess boots
ugg suede boots 5230
UGG Ultra Short Boots
UGG Ultra Short Boots uk
UGG Ultra Short 5225
UGG Ultra Short sale
UGG Ultra Tall Boots
UGG Ultra Tall balck
UGG Ultra Tall cheatnut
UGG Ultra Tall review
UGG Ultra Tall uk
UGG Ultra Tall 5245
UGG Upside Boots
UGG Upside 5163
ugg handbags on sale
ugg handbags uk
cheap ugg handbags
ugg handbags sale